don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
