if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
