that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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