Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
