Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
