I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
