So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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