then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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