i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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