Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I could fuck to npr.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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