I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
