is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Congratulations! We have a period
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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