Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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