dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
