He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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