you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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