living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
