Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
