I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize