I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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