My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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