Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
