I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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