im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
