my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
