I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
