I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
