i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize