I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
