I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize