dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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