he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
