she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
