Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
