Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
