I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
