i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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