just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
