Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize