Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
