I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
