she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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