Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
