I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
