I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
