Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
