He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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