Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
