These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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