Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
