if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
