Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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