Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
