Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
