I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
