dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
