They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize