Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
