I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
