I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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