I think scott just propositioned me for sex
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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