I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
