I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
