can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
