you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
