So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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