you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think my moral compass just broke
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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