Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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