So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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