He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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