Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
