My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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