The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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